Why Your Coach Might Use Motivational Interviewing: What Coaching Psychology Teaches us About Supporting Autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD adults.

 Welcome to Inside Coaching Psychology, a series exploring the research, theories and evidence-informed approaches that shape my coaching practice. Whether you're considering coaching yourself, you're a fellow coach, or you're simply curious about the psychology of change, these articles aim to make coaching psychology accessible, practical and relevant

If you've spent any time reading about coaching, you've probably come across phrases such as goal setting, accountability or behaviour change. These are all important aspects of coaching, but they don't always capture what meaningful change actually feels like from the client's perspective.

Many of the autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults I work with describe something quite different. Long before they reached coaching, they had spent years receiving advice from others.

"You just need to try harder."

"You need to get yourself organised."

"Stop overthinking everything."

"You'd be fine if you stuck to a routine."

"Have you tried using a planner?"

Most of these comments are offered with good intentions. Friends, family members, teachers and professionals are often trying to help. Yet for many neurodivergent adults, hearing variations of these messages over many years can become exhausting. Rather than feeling understood, they may leave conversations feeling frustrated, misunderstood, or believing that they have somehow failed to put good advice into practice.

The reality is that many autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults already know what they would like to do differently. They may want more consistent routines, better emotional regulation, improved work-life balance or greater confidence in themselves. The challenge is rarely a lack of information. More often, it is understanding what makes change possible within the context of their own neurodivergent experience, current capacity and daily life.

This is one of the reasons I find developments within coaching psychology so encouraging.

Increasingly, coaching psychology is recognising that sustainable change is not created by telling people what they should do. Instead, it begins by helping people understand themselves more deeply, explore what genuinely matters to them and strengthen their own motivation for change. Rather than assuming the coach has the answers, the coaching relationship becomes a collaborative process of curiosity, reflection and discovery.

One approach that beautifully reflects this philosophy is Motivational Interviewing (MI).

Originally developed within healthcare to support behaviour change, Motivational Interviewing has become increasingly influential within coaching psychology because of its respectful, collaborative and person-centred approach. Rather than persuading or directing someone towards change, it helps people explore their own reasons for change, resolve uncertainty and build confidence in their ability to move forward.

For me, this represents something much bigger than a coaching technique. It reflects a shift in how we think about helping people. Instead of asking, "How do I get this person to change?", coaching psychology increasingly asks, "How can I create the conditions in which this person can understand themselves, reconnect with what matters most to them, and make changes that feel meaningful and sustainable?"

For many autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults, that difference can be profound. After years of feeling that they needed to fit someone else's expectations, coaching offers the opportunity to begin from a different place—not with judgement or advice, but with curiosity, compassion and a genuine partnership in understanding what flourishing might look like for them.

Why Advice Often Isn't Enough

If advice alone created lasting change, most of us would never need coaching.

We already know that getting enough sleep is important. We know that exercise benefits both our physical and mental wellbeing. We know that taking breaks can improve productivity, that healthy relationships matter, and that spending time doing things that bring us joy is good for us. Information is more accessible than ever before, yet many people continue to struggle to make the changes they genuinely want to make.

This is because behaviour change is rarely about simply knowing what to do.

More often, it is about understanding what gets in the way.

For some people, the barrier may be feeling overwhelmed by the demands of everyday life. Others may know exactly what they would like to change but feel uncertain about where to begin. Some are carrying the weight of burnout, while others are trying to juggle competing priorities, caring responsibilities, work pressures or health challenges. Fear of failure, low self-confidence or years of self-doubt can also make even small changes feel surprisingly difficult.

Many people have also experienced repeated criticism throughout their lives. Perhaps they have been told they are lazy, unmotivated, disorganised or not trying hard enough. Over time, these messages can become internalised, gradually shaping how people see themselves. Instead of approaching change with curiosity and hope, they may begin from a place of self-criticism or the expectation that they will fail once again.

For many autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults, these experiences can be particularly familiar. Some have spent years trying to meet expectations that were never designed with their neurodivergent way of thinking in mind. Others have developed coping strategies simply to get through each day, often at the expense of their own wellbeing. By the time they reach coaching, they may have read countless books, listened to podcasts, downloaded productivity apps and tried every planner imaginable.

The difficulty is rarely a lack of information.

Instead, the challenge is understanding how to create meaningful and sustainable change within the reality of their life, their strengths and their current capacity.

This is one of the reasons coaching psychology places such importance on understanding the individual before exploring solutions. Rather than assuming someone needs more advice, coaching begins with curiosity. It seeks to understand a person's experiences, motivations, values and the context in which they are living before considering what change might look like.

In many ways, this represents a shift from asking, "What's wrong with this person?" to asking, "What has shaped this person's experience, and what might help them move forwards from here?"

For me, this is one of the most important distinctions between simply giving advice and engaging in evidence-informed coaching. Lasting change is rarely achieved by adding more strategies to someone's already overflowing toolkit. More often, it begins by understanding the person holding the toolkit in the first place.

What is Motivational Interviewing?

Motivational Interviewing (often shortened to MI) is not about motivating people through encouragement, persuasion or inspirational speeches. Despite its name, it is much quieter than that.

At its heart, Motivational Interviewing is a collaborative conversation. Rather than telling someone what they should do, it creates a space where they can explore their own thoughts, feelings and motivations in a way that feels safe, respectful and free from judgement.

One of the reasons Motivational Interviewing has become increasingly influential within coaching psychology is that it recognises something many of us have experienced ourselves: people often hold mixed feelings about change.

We might want to exercise more, yet feel exhausted by the end of the day.

We might want to reduce our workload, yet worry about letting other people down.

We might long to stop masking, while also fearing rejection if we show more of our authentic selves.

These mixed feelings, often referred to as ambivalence, are a completely normal part of being human. Rather than seeing uncertainty as resistance or a lack of motivation, Motivational Interviewing views it as something to explore with curiosity.

Instead of trying to persuade someone to make a decision, the coach helps them better understand what is happening for them.

Together, they might explore questions such as:

• What matters most to you at this stage of your life?

• What would you like to be different?

• What makes change feel difficult at the moment?

• What strengths have helped you through challenges in the past?

• What small step feels realistic and achievable right now?

Through these conversations, people often begin to gain greater clarity about what they want, why it matters to them and what they feel ready to do next.

Rather than being directed towards someone else's solution, they are supported to discover their own.

Motivational Interviewing therefore focuses on helping people:

• explore uncertainty without judgement

• clarify what is genuinely important to them

• identify their own reasons for change

• strengthen confidence in their ability to move forwards

• make decisions that are guided by their own values and priorities rather than external expectations

One of the central ideas behind Motivational Interviewing is that lasting change is more likely when motivation comes from within. When people feel they are choosing a path because it reflects what matters to them—not because someone else believes they should—they are often more committed to sustaining that change over time.

For me, this is one of the aspects of Motivational Interviewing that feels particularly relevant when working with autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults. Many people have spent years adapting to the expectations of others, often putting enormous energy into meeting external demands. Coaching offers an opportunity to pause and ask a different question. Instead of beginning with "What should I be doing?", we begin with "What matters to me, and what kind of life am I trying to create?"

That shift may seem subtle, but it can fundamentally change the coaching conversation. Rather than being driven by obligation or pressure, change begins to emerge from a deeper understanding of the person's own values, aspirations and lived experience.

Why This Matters in Neurodivergent Coaching

One of the reasons I value Motivational Interviewing is because of the way it aligns with neurodiversity-affirming coaching.

Many autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults arrive in coaching having spent years—sometimes decades—trying to meet expectations that were never designed with their way of thinking, processing or experiencing the world in mind.

Throughout childhood, education, employment and even within healthcare, they may have received countless messages about how they should be.

Perhaps they have been encouraged to communicate differently, to become more organised, to manage their time more effectively or to stop overthinking. Some have been told they are "too emotional," while others have learned to suppress or hide their emotions altogether. Many have spent years masking their autistic or ADHD traits in an attempt to fit in, often without recognising the personal cost of doing so.

The message may not always have been explicit, but over time many people come to believe that they simply need to "try harder."

For some, these experiences have been repeated so often that they begin to influence how they see themselves. Confidence can diminish. Self-trust can become fragile. Decisions become harder because there is uncertainty about whose expectations they are trying to meet. Even after receiving a diagnosis, many people continue to ask themselves, "Am I doing this right?" rather than "Is this right for me?"

This is why I believe coaching conversations need to feel different.

Rather than beginning with advice or assumptions, neurodivergent coaching benefits from creating a space where people can slow down, reflect and reconnect with themselves.

Instead of asking:

"Here's what you need to do."

The conversation might begin with questions such as:

• What feels most important to you right now? 

• What would life look like if this became a little easier? 

• What has helped you in the past, even in small ways? 

• Given everything that's on your plate at the moment, what feels realistic for your current capacity? 

These questions may appear simple, but they represent a significant shift in perspective. They move the conversation away from external expectations and towards personal values, lived experience and self-understanding.

For many late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD adults, this may be one of the first opportunities they have had to explore what they want, rather than focusing on what other people expect of them.

This doesn't mean ignoring challenges or pretending that change is easy. Coaching is often about navigating very real difficulties, whether that's burnout, executive functioning differences, emotional regulation, relationships or work. However, meaningful change is more likely when it grows from an understanding of the individual, rather than from pressure to conform to someone else's idea of success.

This is one of the reasons Motivational Interviewing resonates so strongly with me. It supports a coaching relationship built on curiosity rather than judgement, collaboration rather than direction, and respect rather than persuasion. Rather than assuming the coach knows the answers, it recognises that the client is the expert in their own life.

Ultimately, the aim is not simply to solve problems or achieve goals. It is to support greater autonomy, strengthen self-understanding and help people make choices that reflect who they are, what matters to them and what is genuinely sustainable within the context of their own neurodivergent lives.

Beyond One Coaching Model

One of the developments I find most encouraging within coaching psychology is the growing recognition that effective coaching is rarely about following one model or one theoretical approach from beginning to end. Recent coaching psychology literature has increasingly argued for an integrated approach to coaching, where different evidence-informed methods are used thoughtfully according to the client's goals, experiences and current needs, rather than relying exclusively on a single coaching model.

This doesn't mean combining techniques at random or simply trying a little of everything. Instead, it involves understanding the strengths and purpose of different psychological approaches and applying them with intention. The focus remains on the individual sitting in front of us, not on the coach's preferred theory.

For me, this perspective feels particularly relevant when coaching autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults.

In practice, people rarely arrive with one clearly defined challenge.

Someone may initially seek coaching because they are struggling to stay organised at work, believing that executive functioning is the main issue. As the coaching conversation unfolds, however, it may become apparent that their difficulties are connected to something much broader.'

For example:

Autistic burnout

↓Reduced physical and emotional capacity

↓

Reduced executive functioning

↓

Missed deadlines or unfinished tasks

↓

Increased self-criticism

↓

Avoidance of important tasks

↓

Growing anxiety and overwhelm

↓

Reduced confidence and self-belief

What began as a conversation about organisation has become a much richer understanding of the person's lived experience.

This is one of the reasons I believe neurodivergent coaching benefits from an integrated approach. Challenges rarely exist in isolation. Burnout influences executive functioning. Executive functioning affects confidence. Confidence shapes behaviour. Behaviour influences wellbeing. Each element interacts with the others, creating patterns that cannot always be understood—or supported—through a single coaching model.

Different coaching psychology approaches may therefore offer different perspectives at different stages of the coaching journey.

There may be times when Acceptance and Commitment Coaching helps someone reconnect with their values and develop greater psychological flexibility. At other times, Positive Psychology may support them in recognising strengths that have become overshadowed by burnout or years of self-doubt. Compassion-focused approaches may help reduce shame and self-criticism, while executive functioning coaching can provide practical strategies that work with, rather than against, a neurodivergent way of thinking. Motivational Interviewing may help someone explore uncertainty and strengthen their own motivation before they are ready to take action.

None of these approaches needs to compete with the others.

Instead, they can complement one another, each contributing something valuable to the coaching process.

For me, this reflects one of the most important principles of coaching psychology: we should not expect people to fit our preferred coaching model. Rather, our role is to understand the person in front of us and thoughtfully draw upon the evidence-informed approaches that are most likely to support their growth, their goals and their wellbeing.

When viewed in this way, coaching becomes less about following a formula and more about building a collaborative, responsive partnership—one that adapts as the person's understanding of themselves grows.

What Might This Look Like in Practice?

To illustrate what an integrated coaching psychology approach might look like, let's consider a fictional example.

Sarah comes to coaching because she feels completely overwhelmed by work. She describes herself as disorganised, forgetful and constantly behind with deadlines. She has tried countless planners, productivity apps and time management systems, yet nothing seems to last.

At first glance, it would be easy to assume that Sarah's coaching simply needs to focus on executive functioning.

However, coaching psychology encourages us to remain curious rather than jumping to conclusions.

As our conversations develop, a more complete picture begins to emerge.

Sarah has been working hard to meet increasing demands at work whilst masking many of her autistic and ADHD traits. She feels emotionally and physically exhausted but has continued pushing herself because she worries about letting colleagues down. She has become increasingly self-critical, interpreting every missed deadline as evidence that she is failing. Since receiving her diagnosis, she has also started questioning what she genuinely wants from her career and life, rather than simply continuing to meet other people's expectations.

What initially appeared to be a problem with organisation is, in reality, a much more complex picture involving burnout, identity, self-belief and chronic stress.

This is where an integrated coaching psychology approach becomes valuable.

Rather than relying on one coaching model throughout the coaching partnership, different evidence-informed approaches may become helpful at different stages of Sarah's journey.

Early conversations may draw upon Motivational Interviewing, creating space for Sarah to explore her current situation without judgement. Rather than assuming she is ready to make changes immediately, the coaching helps her understand what feels most important to her, what concerns her about continuing as she is, and what changes she feels ready to explore.

As Sarah begins to recover from burnout, Acceptance and Commitment Coaching may help her reconnect with her personal values. Together, we might explore what genuinely matters to her beyond external expectations, while developing greater psychological flexibility as she learns to respond differently to difficult thoughts and emotions.

Alongside this, compassion-focused approaches may help Sarah recognise the impact of years of self-criticism. Instead of viewing herself as lazy or failing, she begins to understand how burnout, masking and living with unmet neurodivergent needs have shaped her experiences. Developing greater self-compassion allows her to respond to herself with the same understanding she would naturally offer someone else.

As Sarah's confidence gradually grows, Positive Psychology may support her in reconnecting with her strengths, identifying what gives her energy and purpose, and noticing what is already working well in her life. After a prolonged period of surviving, this shift towards recognising hope, possibility and wellbeing can become an important part of recovery.

Only then might executive functioning coaching become truly effective. Rather than introducing generic productivity techniques, together we explore practical strategies that work with Sarah's way of thinking, her strengths and her current capacity. The aim is not to force herself into systems designed for someone else, but to develop approaches that feel realistic, sustainable and aligned with how her brain works.

Throughout this process, the coaching is never driven by a predetermined model or programme. Instead, it is guided by Sarah's evolving understanding of herself, her goals and her changing needs.

This, for me, is one of the greatest strengths of coaching psychology. Different psychological approaches are not competing with one another; they are contributing different perspectives to support the same person. The coaching remains centred on the individual rather than the theory.

For autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults, I believe this flexibility is particularly important. Our lives rarely fit neatly into one psychological framework, and neither do the challenges we bring to coaching. An evidence-informed, integrated approach allows the coaching

relationship to adapt as new insights emerge, always returning to the same central question:

"What is most likely to support this person, at this moment, to move towards a life that feels more authentic, meaningful and sustainable?"

What This Means for My Coaching Practice

As a coaching psychologist in training, one of the questions I continue to reflect upon is not "Which coaching model is best?" but rather, "What is most likely to help this person flourish?"

This question sits at the heart of my coaching practice.

Rather than following one coaching model throughout every coaching partnership, I draw upon a range of evidence-informed approaches from coaching psychology. Each brings a different perspective and offers different ways of understanding human behaviour, motivation, wellbeing and change.

Depending on the individual and what they bring to coaching, I may draw upon Motivational Interviewing to explore readiness for change and strengthen intrinsic motivation. At other times, Acceptance and Commitment Coaching may help someone reconnect with their values and develop greater psychological flexibility. Positive Psychology can support the identification of strengths, hope and wellbeing, while compassion-focused approaches may help reduce shame and self-criticism. Where appropriate, executive functioning coaching can provide practical strategies that work with, rather than against, a person's unique way of thinking.

Importantly, these approaches are never used because they happen to be my preferred models. They are chosen because they are most likely to support the person sitting in front of me.

Every individual arrives with a unique combination of strengths, experiences, goals and challenges. They also arrive with different levels of energy, confidence, insight and capacity. For someone recovering from autistic burnout, introducing a complex planning system may be less helpful than first exploring self-compassion and recovery. For another person, practical executive functioning strategies may unlock progress that has previously felt impossible. Someone else may benefit most from reconnecting with their values before considering what changes they wish to make.

There is no single pathway through coaching because there is no single way to experience being autistic, ADHD or AuDHD.

This philosophy has shaped the development of my Flourishing with AuDHD Framework™. Rather than offering a fixed programme where every client follows the same sequence of topics, the framework is designed to be responsive, collaborative and personalised. It brings together coaching psychology, Positive Psychology, Acceptance and Commitment Coaching, executive functioning science and current neurodiversity research to support autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults in understanding themselves more deeply and creating lives that feel authentic, meaningful and sustainable.

For me, coaching has never been about finding the perfect model or applying the same technique to every person who walks through the door. It is about building a collaborative partnership where the evidence informs the process, but the individual always remains at the centre of it.

Ultimately, I don't believe my role is to tell people how they should live their lives. My role is to create a psychologically safe space where they can better understand themselves, reconnect with what matters most, and develop the confidence and skills to move towards a life that works for them—not one defined by someone else's expectations.

That, for me, is the essence of evidence-informed, neurodiversity-affirming coaching psychology.

Conclusion

Coaching is about understanding before changing

One of the reasons I was drawn to coaching psychology is that it begins with a simple but powerful assumption: before we can support meaningful change, we first need to understand the person sitting in front of us.

Every individual brings their own story, strengths, challenges, values and aspirations. Their experiences have been shaped by their relationships, their environment, their opportunities, and, for many neurodivergent adults, years of navigating a world that has not always understood or accommodated the way they think and experience life.

This is why I believe coaching should begin with curiosity rather than certainty.

Before exploring strategies, it helps to understand the person's experiences. Before setting goals, it is important to understand what genuinely matters to them. Before considering change, we need to appreciate the context in which they are already doing their very best.

Evidence-informed coaching psychology reminds us that sustainable change is rarely created through advice alone. It is built through collaboration, thoughtful reflection and a coaching relationship that respects each person's autonomy, strengths and lived experience.

For many autistic, ADHD and AuDHD adults, this may offer something they have experienced too little of throughout their lives.

The opportunity to understand themselves before being encouraged to change themselves.

To be listened to before being advised.

To explore what flourishing means for them, rather than striving to meet someone else's definition of success.

For me, this is what coaching psychology is ultimately about. It is not simply helping people achieve goals. It is about supporting people to better understand themselves, make choices that reflect their values and strengths, and create lives that feel authentic, sustainable and meaningful.

Reflection

Before you move on, I invite you to pause for a moment and consider the following questions.

• Have you ever been given advice that sounded sensible, yet simply didn't fit your life or the way your brain works? 

• How did that make you feel? 

• What difference might it make if someone first took the time to understand your experiences, your strengths and your challenges before exploring possible ways forward? 

• If change began with curiosity rather than judgement, what might become possible? 

  
  

Perhaps these questions are worth carrying with you—not because they provide immediate answers, but because they invite a different way of thinking about change.